Beach Bum

I had two roommates after college in a cool little place down at the beach in San Diego. I came home one day to find one of my roommates in the fetal position on his bed just rocking back and forth. I tried to inquire what was the matter. He eventually comes to from his nearly catatonic state to mutter something, but I could not understand him. Unable to form the words, he simply pointed to the bathroom, which the three of us shared. I entered the bathroom to find a large turd on the floor. Human feces! He had no explanation and could barely comprehend what had happened. I went into my other roommate’s room and asked him if he knew what the hell was going on. He gave me the “hold on minute” finger since he was on the phone.

I asked again and he said, “I’ll take care of it in a second.”

At this point, I realized that he did this.

I came back enraged and exclaimed, “You’ll hang up now and get your dirty ass in there and clean it up!”

He again gave me the “hold on” sign and I flew off the handle, ripped the phone from his scrawny hands and inform his caller friend, who happened to be a girl he was trying to impress, that Dave needed to go.

“He’ll call you back when he cleans the up the bathroom floor he just took a shit on,” I told her.