Beach Bum
I had two roommates after college in a cool little place down at the beach in San Diego. I came home one day to find one of my roommates in the fetal position on his bed just rocking back and forth. I tried to inquire what was the matter. He eventually comes to from his nearly catatonic state to mutter something, but I could not understand him. Unable to form the words, he simply pointed to the bathroom, which the three of us shared. I entered the bathroom to find a large turd on the floor. Human feces! He had no explanation and could barely comprehend what had happened. I went into my other roommate’s room and asked him if he knew what the hell was going on. He gave me the “hold on minute†finger since he was on the phone.
I asked again and he said, “I’ll take care of it in a second.â€
At this point, I realized that he did this.
I came back enraged and exclaimed, “You’ll hang up now and get your dirty ass in there and clean it up!â€
He again gave me the “hold on†sign and I flew off the handle, ripped the phone from his scrawny hands and inform his caller friend, who happened to be a girl he was trying to impress, that Dave needed to go.
“He’ll call you back when he cleans the up the bathroom floor he just took a shit on,†I told her.
How long did you last living there?
Wow, I’m not sure who’s behavior was more bizarre!
Lord knows that I’m not the cleanest housekeeper in the world, but I can sympathize w/the writer. Crapping on the floor & not cleaning it up right away is gross! Had I been the one who dumped, I would’ve been really embarassed & gotten rid of the evidence immediately!
Both roommates seem like freaks. One shits on the floor, and the other goes into a near catatonic state after seeing it? I think the first roommate in the story was the worst roommate.
and the writer completely freaked out, grabbing the phone out of the shitter’s hand. i think they’re all mad.
WTF, the writer was the smartest one of them all and hopefully he moved out after that. I thank god I have an apartment all to myself in a pretty quiet building. The only thing I have to complain about are the skunks that sometimes roam around the building.
I like the writer; he/she actually forced the crappy roommate to do something instead of passively taking it like everyone else on the site.
I absolutely LOVED how one roommate randomly crapped on the floor, and the other one was too immature to deal with the matter. If I did not know they were your roommates, I’d assume they were kids under the age of 5.
I’d be more worried about the guy who had an apparent mental breakdown because of what happened. Or is there more to the story of how the crap got on the floor than we are hearing?
oh holy jesus I cant explain how hard this made me laugh. This was EXACTLY what I was hoping for when I found this site. The long, ongoing recounting of squabbles and perceived injustices of other posts isnt quite satisfying like this story–just a one-off incident that is completely fucking bizarre. I have had horrendous roommates myself, but I know if I submitted them I would also get a little self-indulgent in the details and have no doubt other authors here give into this as well. But GOOD GODDAMMÄ°T THIS IS A BEAUTY. The catatonic rocking, but even better is the “yeah i fucking know, gimmee a minute” reaction of the culprit. just, thanks.