I Can Has Donut

I moved 700 miles back to my hometown last year and moved in with a girl from church. How bad could it be?

I quickly realized that she was a compulsive liar. She’d lie about things that didn’t even make sense, like that the bookshelf fell on her (I checked, it hadn’t moved an inch and there were breakables that weren’t a hair out of place). She’d eat my food and blame it on the cat. Yeah, the cat got up on the table, unwrapped my donut and ate it. She would let people stay at our house all the time without asking me.

She “did the dishes” all of four times and she couldn’t have done more than run them under cold water from the looks of them. She would constantly clog up the toilet and smell up the house. Since all of the bills were in her name I would just write her checks for my half. Somehow the cable and internet would turn off and it was always the company’s fault.

What finally made me throw in the towel was when she was in “Ireland” and I came home to a 72 hour eviction. Turns out she hadn’t paid the rent in THREE MONTHS! I called/texted several times and she somehow got those in Ireland. You guessed it: she faked the trip and was really staying at her parents three hours away.

I live roommate-free now with my cat, who miraculously never eats my food anymore, and I could not be happier!