The Pain Couple

My Very Worst Roommate was actually a pair of roommates. K was about 24-ish and L was in her late forties. K worked about an hour away at a Jack in the Box. She was the sole bread winner of the couple. Her girlfriend L literally stayed in her room 24/7 on the Internet and high on painkillers. They were always weeks late on the rent and I constantly heard them screaming at each other in their room. Fighting or making love. The screams sounded pretty much the same either way.

Finally, I had enough. I mentioned to my sister (who lived in the same building and had a room next to theirs) over the phone that I was going to make them leave if they didn’t pay their rent. It was about a week late at that point. About a half an hour later, I heard banging on my door. I opened to door to see two cops. They asked if I threatened to beat up L and K. L piped in from behind him that it was my sister who did it. I told the officers that my sister was not in the apartment and she never said anything about either of the women.

The cops were not actually straight-faced at this point so I imagined L had told them some really crazy things. I told them that I was the only on on the lease. They proceeded to escort L out of my house. L and K came back the next day and got all their stuff but left me with a bunch of debt, a dirty room, and a bag of disposable speculums.