Checkered History

I’ve had three Worst Roommates in my basement apartment.

The first one made “custom” jeans and offered to make me some in lieu of rent. I told her I’d rather have the money, so she paid me in quarters. The second roommate tried to steal my futon. When I stopped her, she poured salt over it.

But the third was the Very Worst.

His mother wrote the check for the rent. He was 46 years old. After his mother left, he asked to borrow $85. My other roommate loaned him the money.

After he moved in, our house started to smell like cigarette smoke. I knew he was a smoker, so I asked him to stop smoking inside. He ignored me.

He finally wrote us a check for $85. The check bounced.

Then he disappeared. Eventually, I entered his room and found that he’d left all his stuff, including a laptop, his wallet, cigarette butts and small Ziploc baggies everywhere.

The roommate’s brother finally informed me that roommate was imprisoned for drug charges and parole violation. I hadn’t even known he was on parole! By this stage, it didn’t really matter. We were didn’t have his rent money, plus we had to deal with the bounced check fee and the cost of changing the locks so that the drug-addled loser wouldn’t be able to enter our place.