Revenge With Mary
My Very Worst Roommate was an acquaintance from college. We ran in the same circles and had partied together a few times. We got along well, and when I heard that her roommate (who I thought was a real bitch) was asking her to leave their apartment, I offered her the spare bedroom in the apartment I shared with my fiancee.
MVWR was a spoiled, drug-addicted JAP who spent all her money on drugs and expensive bath products. She survived on a diet of sorbet, red wine and all MY food. When asked to contribute, she would yammer on about how she was on a “fixed income,” which in the language of crazy that my MVWR spoke, translates to “My mother only sends me money once a month, and I already spent it all on blow.”
She took three-hour baths during which no one was allowed into the bathroom, even though the tub was separated from the rest of the room by a locking door. When she left the bathroom, there would be cigarette butts (we had a non-smoking apartment) and wine glasses littering the side of the tub, and water all over the floor.
Every day, I would leave for work in the afternoon and she would be on the couch in our living room with the blinds drawn, watching Dr. Phil. When I came back, she would be right where I left her, but with the added bonus of an ever-growing pile of Whipit cartridges
The only thing that made the situation livable was the fact that my MVWR kept a large amount of weed in our freezer. Whenever her terrible behavior and gross lifestyle got to me, my fiancee and I would pilfer from her stash and numb the pain of living with such a shitty individual and take small pleasure in our tiny revenge.
JAP?
Jewish American Princess
Oh, whipits…
ahhh…now it makes sense. I hope she is gone…
can someone explain to me what the hell a whipit is?
Hey, don’t feel bad for your tiny revenge! A cool roommate would share anyway
Hellcat – A whipit is a small canister of nitrous-oxide filled compressed air cartridges. You huff them. It’s a lovely way to kill some brain cells >.<
The last paragraph makes it awesome.
I was wondering what a whipit was, too. Glad that’s all cleared up.
At least you got some weed out of it.
I googled Whip-it and for some reason got the impression that the cartridges were refills for a re-fillable can of whipped cream. I was imagining some sad person sitting on the couch all day in the dark, watching Dr. Phil and spraying whipped cream in their mouth. Now that I know it’s actually nitrous oxide, I’m not sure whether it seems sadder, less sad, or about the same.
It really is amazing what you discover about otherwise normal seeming people, when you start living with them!
Meh. She sounds horrible, but I can’t muster too much sympathy since you already knew her before you offered the spare bedroom. Perhaps her previous bitch roommate kicked her out for good reason. To paraphrase Judge Judy– “Madam… YOU married her”.
Whip-its ARE for whipped cream. They are the cartridges that professional chefs use to keep freshly made whipped cream from going flat in the canister. You might have seen the large stainless steel canisters in coffee shops? Those are the canisters you need whip-its for to turn whipping cream into whipped cream.
Also people huff them. It is actually illegal to use them for any purpose other than making whipped cream. Simply having them in the same house as a balloon makes them paraphernalia. But…you know. It doesn’t stop anyone. I just always thought it would be easier to huff the gas from half depressing the nozzle of commercial cans of whipped cream. Then you can enjoy the cream as well.
Thanks guys! Good to know.
Sika – YES. That way everyone wins.
Hm….I guess the fact that the cartridges are called Whip-it should have clued me in to some actual connection with whipped cream. BUT I guess not. Durrrr…
Don’t offer a place to someone getting kicked out until you ask the other roommate(s) why they were kicked out. Probably could’ve saved a lot of hassle that way.
don’t people ask potential roomies for references from prevoius roomies, etc?
WHIP ITS ARE SOME CRAZY SHIT.
Ugh, how come everyone on this site is a pothead? It’s not very cool reading story after story where people brag about stealing pot. Yeah, real classy there….