Dorm Doormat
I was the cause of my four university flatmates Very Worst Roommate, and arguably, mine. I started university and had just turned 18, was horribly naïve and was living away from home for the first time. It had also been instilled in me by my parents that being “passive” equaled “polite” and being confrontational was just unacceptable in a woman, as this equated being a bitch.
I met my ex-boyfriend, who we’ll call Fuzzy, almost immediately. He began to hang out at my halls of residence. Twice a week. Three times. Four. Then all day, all night, all week. He stayed in my room during this time, and whilst I really, really liked him, I didn’t have the cajones to tell him that staying this frequently was unacceptable and that I needed my own space. To make matters worse, Fuzzy had poor personal hygiene. I mean, really, really poor. He was with me 24/7 so I knew that he showered, at most, once a month. He also only cleaned his teeth once a week. He got sweaty very frequently, but didn’t wash his clothes at all. Eventually, I did it myself as I couldn’t stand the smell, and his white t-shirts were yellowing.
My flatmates and I shared the cost of food between us, as we all got on well together. However, Fuzzy also ate this food, but never contributed, until about two months in when I literally had to spell it out for him to do so. I felt horrendously guilty for burdening my poor, patient flatmates with Fuzzy as I was such a walking doormat, and did, eventually, through life-experience of living on my own and realising that actually, being honest with someone doesn’t equate being a horrible person.
unfortunately, the fuzzies of the world will always manage to find a willing doormat to wipe their arses for them
Someday, you’ll have to finish the story of how you got rid of your Very Worst Boyfriend!
I will never, for the life of me figure out how people can go so long (in this case, a month) without showering, or washing their clothes. Do they just become immune to their own stench? Heck, even if all I’m going to do is sit around the house all day and watch TV, I take a shower, just because I don’t want to sit around wallowing in my own funk.
TMS – It’s because deep down, they don’t think they are worth it. Or their parents made them codependent by not providing a healthy, safe way to build boundaries. You can’t fathom it because you think you are worth it and you probably didn’t have parents that taught you stupid ways of handling situations (like the OP’s parents taught her).
OP – I feel you on being a walking doormat. I’ve been it myself, and while I blamed my parents, I also know it’s my choice and blame is pointless because I continue to choose to be a doormat
Kudos to you for realizing this. I love how candid you are.
well, at least you learned NOT to be a doormat and realized that your parents don’t always know best.As for Fuzzy: ew.
Luckily you turned this into a growing experience.
agreed, you grew from it. Good for you!
Do you know what became of Fuzzy? Just curious how far a person like him will get in life.
Is he called fuzzy because his teeth has grown sweaters? Or the mold building up in his pile of laundry?
Oh, Thandi. You would be surprised! My mom’s boyfriend is a Fuzzy. Better hygiene, for sure, but that’s only because my mom cleans his clothes, and he has to shower after surfing all day long. But, hanging around 24/7? Eating you out of house and home? Definitely my mom’s bf!
Come to think of it…my sister had a Fuzzy of her own for a few years… I see a pattern here…
it’s cojones, not cajones.
Ah, this brings back my own memories of dating a “Fuzzy.” My own experience was also the result of that sort of upbringing. Thankfully we’ve both learned not to put up with that nonsense!
Hi, I submitted this story.
Margaret: It’s not that bad a break-up story, surprisingly! I simply said to him that I felt we weren’t compatible, and that I had to end it. He was upset, but accepted it. In fact, I still talk to Fuzzy to this day (despite being MVWR, he’s a great guy at a distance.)
Meshell: Thank you! I just wish I could have learnt the lesson sooner. And I also wish my sister would learn it as soon as possible – she has had her very own Fuzzy for going on 3 years now :/
Thandi: Yes, I still speak to Fuzzy on a regular basis! He’s actually done very well for himself, he has a fancy schmancy job in London. His personal hygiene hasn’t improved though (having met up with him a few times and shook my head in despair) so I can’t tell you what his co-workers think of him.
He hasn’t had a girlfriend (or even a date) since me. That was just over two years ago now. He also still lives with his grandparents.
Ann Marie: It’s funny you should say that because his teeth did build up a layer of crap before he would finally get round to brushing them. Thinking back I’m not sure how I managed to let him kiss me without gagging (I am anal about my own oral hygiene) but I think I put up with it for so long as at the time I didn’t want to be “shallow” and only judge Fuzzy on his appearance.
Tracy: Gracias.