Three’s a Crowd

This My Very Worst Roommate story comes from my coworker, “Stew,” who managed to get kicked out of the dorms on Labour Day weekend.

Stew was forced to move in on the very last day of move-in week because his car broke down during the road trip. When he finally came in, his roommate was not there. He thought, “No problem. He must have just gone out somewhere.” So he opened up one of the drawers to put his clothes in, and found something surprising. At least 100 condoms were inside the drawer. Some were individually wrapped. He opened another drawer and found some really weird things that must have been sex toys. This wasn’t a good sign. The first night was all right.

Then the next day, he walked to the room and heard loud thumping coming from inside, and a girl walked out after a few hours. The next few nights, he couldn’t get into the room at all and would hear loud banging. His roommate had not only locked it, but put a chair in the way so he couldn’t get in.

The roommate was evidently having threesomes in there, too, since he heard other men banging. So every night he had to sleep in the room next door. Thankfully one of them is an avid hiker and had a very good sleeping bag. He only got to sleep in his actual dorm room for three nights, once on a weekend and once on the first night.

By Labour Day weekend, he and a bunch of people were complaining to the RA about the nymphomaniac roommate and his partners, since they could hear them from the floors above and below, too. The RA then decided to kick out not only the nymphomaniac roommate, but also my Stew because he was sick of the complaints. (Yeah, the RA wasn’t very good.

Evidently the dorms were over-flowing anyways so two more people got to move into the room, while Stew had to live in my house until November when he found a good place with some friends. I do not know what happened to the roommate.