Communication Failure
My very worst (and current) roommate is a co-worker. We both worked in retail; for me, it was a survival job to support grad school and for him, it was his sole job after getting sacked from an $80K/year finance position. He was professional and we got along great…until we became roommates.
Within two weeks of living together, he admitted that he’s extremely insecure. He’s despondent that at 31, he has no wife, kids, savings, or decent job. Ageing terrifies him, so he compensates by getting drunk every weekend with much younger co-workers and dating language students who barely speak English.
Meanwhile, he’s insanely jealous of me for accomplishing more in my life than his in terms of education, work, finance, looks, travel, confidence and the ability to maintain friendships with sober, mature people.
So, he takes his insecurities out on me. When I’m studying or writing papers, he turns up his rap music or chats loudly on the phone. He uses as many utensils and dishes as possible to cook his ‘Hungry Mans’ and won’t wash anything because he knows that time I have to spend washing takes away from my study time. All this juvenile stuff yet he can’t be bothered to work on his career rut or anything else, but he whines about it all day.
After four weeks I told him that his lease, which is until the end of the month, will not be renewed and that I want him gone ASAP. He now sends me 10-15 texts per day with vile insults and tells co-workers that I’m bossy, mean and controlling. It has got so bad that I have wound up quitting my job and have threatened to sue him for defamation. I’m almost done with school, however, and have job interviews lined up (which ticks him off). We now communicate solely via text.
Just 60 days to go until he’s gone!
Well, in his defense, you sound like a douche. Actually, it sounds like you’re perfect for each other.
How does he sound like a douche? I’d be mad if someone treated me that way.
wouldn’t the texts be considered harassment? I hope ur keeping them for evidence
How is the OP a douche? He took in a coworker and the guy turned out to be a big old crybaby, sabotaging OP’s study and spreading rumors. OP doesn’t want this man in his life, sounds about right to me.
Well, I can see how Jennifer thought he was a douche — he kept referencing how the roommate thought all these things. I wonder if the OP said anything to the roommate… I don’t doubt that the roommate was a passive aggressive idiot, but it’s pretty easy to ask direct statements and get someone to agree to cleaning rules.
Here’s the best trick to get your roommate into cleaning dishes. Only have one of anything per person in the home. My bf did it to his roomie, and the guy woke up to just how much mess he was creating (some people are that blind).
Whenever I hear people complain that someone else is jealous of them on a general basis, I become sceptical. In my experience deciding that someone is jealous of their life and personality, is often a defence that a person puts up when facing critizism, and allows them to deny the validity of any of the critizism. I’m not sure if this is true of the OP in this case, but from what I read in this story, the roommate opened up to the OP in a vulnerable state, and admitted his insecurities. The story does not say whether the roommate has actually told the OP that he was jealous, neither that it has been admitted that listening to music and talking on the phone is actually done to sabotage the OP. Did the OP tell the roommate to turn down the music, or to wash his own dishes? The story does not say, so the OP seems to jump to the assumption that the roommate is doing it to be mean. While sabotage could be the case, it could also be that also be the OP is a bit paranoid, onset by annoyance and an escalated self image. It could actually be true that these roommates were incompatible in the way that the OP likes it tidy and quiet, while the roommate does not, and so the roommate experiences the OPs complaints about this as controlling and bossy. But of course, the texting and talking behind peoples back at work is a lousy thing to do.
It seems extremely egocentric of the OP to assume that the roommate is not doing his dishes to take away from the his study time and therefore sabotage him. More likely, the roommate is lazy, or depressed over losing his job, or there is some other cause that has nothing to do with OP at all.
Obviously the roommate has some issues and sounds terrible to live with, but OP’s interpretation of the actions seem incredibly narcissistic to me.
OP, this guy sounds like someone who needs a lot of support and bolstering and it’s fair enough that this simply isn’t your job. What with the battery of texts it’s clear he has his issues to sort out and they’re his responsibility.
Just one question… how do you “accomplish” better “looks” than someone else?
What kind of Hungry Mans were they? I think noting the flavor of them may have cleared up some of the confusion some posters are feeling.
I’m in favor of the OP. This was well-written.
Sorry, buddy. You sound like a pompous dick to me. It’s tacky to brag about your education, success, and looks. If you were really so fantastic, you wouldn’t need to go on and on about it.