Food Fighters
This is a story about my eight months in hell.
I decided to move into an apartment with my long time friend and co-worker. She said she didn’t have money for the first month’s rent but that she would pay me back on pay day. This went on for six months. I couldn’t kick her out because I had to work with her so I had to deal. She told me I was not allowed to tell anyone about her not paying rent; I didn’t want to start fights so I didn’t say anything.
My things went missing on a regular basis and as I didn’t have friends over very often I knew it wasn’t them. My food was one of the main things to go missing because it was constant – I would go to eat something and my food would be gone. When I asked her about it she said she offered it to “friends” of hers or “dropped” it. So one day I got angry and put signs all around the kitchen in capital letters “DO NOT TOUCH MY FOOD” and labeled everything. She broke and threw out some of my kitchen items, including my mixer and measuring cups and spoons.
Another thing that went missing was my work float (cash for giving change). The worst time was while her brother was staying with us (She had simply come home one day and told me that he would be coming to stay with us the next day. She did not ask me. He also did not pay rent and ate my food). I was out of town and left my float and my apron in one of the drawers in the living room, when I came back bothwere missing. I black out raged on them – when I came down from the rage I realized that her brother was crying and I had the broken drawer in my hand (it broke from me shaking it at them with things still in it). I screamed at them to get out but she refused and said I had no right. She also had the audacity to claim it was ghosts, I should have called the cops then. She also stole food from work on a regular basis. On more than one occasion she texted me asking me to help her carry home some of the food because she had so much of it – I would tell her I was busy.
I once came home after a night of drinking and had obviously had too much but I went straight to my room. When I got up the next morning I was very hung over and got sick a few times – she came into my room and threw food at me! When I was finally feeling well enough to leave my room she turned up the volume on the TV and was talking very loud and making fun of me for not feeling well. I don’t drink very often and she would get mad at me for making any noise when she was hung over.
She would also move furniture around all the time, I would find the whole apartment rearranged on a regular basis. All of the furniture was mine and she would not ask me if it was okay, she just did it.
She threw a really big fit when I said her younger sister could spend the night with us because she had been behaving a little better than normal (she was a problem child). My roommate came down to the park where her sister and I were (we didn’t want to go back to my place because of her) and started yelling at us saying that her sister was not allowed to stay. I yelled back that I paid the rent and bills so she could suck it. I was on the phone with her sister’s care taker (who also worked with us) at the time and she heard all of this and told our boss. That was when I stopped hiding my roommate’s secret and told everyone that she never paid rent.
One day I was out at my grandparents house, which wasn’t far from my place, when I got a text that I had been tagged in something on Facebook. It was a picture of my toilet covered in my – very expensive – coloured duct tape. I came home to find out that while trying to fix the toilet she had dropped the back of it and broke a hole in the toilet. She didn’t understand why I was so angry at her, she thought it was funny. She also neglected to take my things off the back of the toilet before moving it so my makeup ended up in the bowl and she refused to clean it up saying she would do it when they dried off. I ended up cleaning it up.
She would often have friends over without asking me and would invite people to spend the night and not tell me until I found them on the couch the next morning. She would feed them my food and act offended when I told her not to give away my things. She took all of the movies into her room, including mine, then she would tell people to borrow them.
She was a total TV hog. I had to wait until she was asleep or at work to use my TV and Xbox. She took over the living room and complained when I had a little mess in the one corner. I also had a computer in the living room that I didn’t mind her using but she took over that as well. When I moved the computer into my room, changed the password to the wifi I paid for, and moved my xbox back into my room she threw a fit and said she was going to move out. She didn’t and I ended up moving my stuff back because my room was too small to have everything in there.
On top of all of this nonsense she whined at me because I refused to clean up after her. She would post on Facebook and complain to my co-workers about me not cleaning. She also never cleaned out her cat’s litter box, she would just move it around and the cat would kick litter all over the floor. One time she had it in the bathroom and the cat kicked litter, clumped urine and faeces onto the floor where she left it for 4 days before I finally got sick of waiting for her to clean it up. I left a note on her door how I was not responsible for cleaning up after her.
When it finally came out that she refused to pay rent she tried to play the victim and say she was in a lot of debt (not my problem.)
After 6 months of this I went to the landlord and my roommate was forced to pay the full rent. She only ended up paying half a month’s rent before finally getting a ten day eviction notice because her cheques didn’t clear. She had quit her job and had no money. She said she was going to try and give the landlord two more post-dated cheques but I stood up and told her to get the hell out of my apartment. During her last ten days I let out all of the anger that had built up – one day I yelled for so long that the cops were called and they told her it would be best to spend the night at a friend’s place.
This was not the end of it – while cleaning out her mess of a room I found a key for one of my jewellery boxes, a box of crackers of mine that she “never saw” and a few other small things of mine as well. I went to go use my tooth brush but it tasted like hairspray and my saltwater for cleaning piercings had been replaced with rubbing alcohol.
There was a funny smell in my kitchen, I cleaned it a few times and could not find the source, until I pulled out the fridge. There was rotten raw chicken breast that was about 3 weeks old. While I was cleaning it up I puked twice from the smell and I have never had a weak stomach.
She also left a bunch of things in my apartment for over a month after she had moved out. Then after she finally got all of her things out she found out I told my boss that she had been stealing from work so she threw another temper tantrum and started trying to spread rumours about me. Her friends (who hardly knew her) attacked me on Facebook saying I was the one who had been horrible and that she was the victim. I have decided to move out of town and start fresh in another city, no one believes the rumours but hearing about them and about her has gotten to me.
There may have been a few stories that I forgot about but I’m glad this is over.
You both sound terrible.
To the OP before moving in with someone have a list of rules and do not let them in without a security desposit. When I lived with my sister in law we had rules set up. I told her before moving in what I could afford and she agreed to that monthly amount. We also agreed that common areas were to be kept clean our rooms could be messy but not the places we shared. With food I bought my own and she bought her own never an issue.
Your ex-roommate sounds pretty damned terrible, but much of this could have been avoided if you had just thrown her out after the first couple of incidents. I understand that you were trying to not make things worse, but it will never get better with people like that. Hopefully, you’ve learned a few lessons and won’t be so easily walked on the next time you room with someone. Also, you really sound like you have anger issues that need to be dealt with. Your roommate was awful, but if you’re making people cry, breaking things, and screaming so loud that the cops are being called – then you really need therapy on how to manage your anger.
Ignore them, OP. Sometimes when shit just keeps building and building, you can’t help the anger and it’s toxic to keep it in. Are there better ways of releasing it? Yep. Is screaming at the bane of your current existence among them? Nope, but it still feels awesome. She caused you hell with no care for your feelings, so she deserved it right back. You had every single right to get pissed and tell her so.
I have to agree with Jillian on the therapy advice. The roommate was awful, and getting angry over that kind of behavior is completely valid. But if you black out from rage, and scream so loud that the police are called, it is clear that you have a severe anger management problem. Anger management does not mean you can’t get angry, it has to do with how you handle getting angry.
I hope your living arrangement is a lot better now, OP.
Everyone needs therapy because everyone needs a place to healthily vent their feelings. Stop with shaming people into therapy. It’s perfectly reasonable for a kettle to whistle when it’s under pressure. Therapy is the release valve, so anyone with a desire to not blow up seeks outside council. That goes for all the commenters and myself. Just food for thought before this turns into a “No, the OP doesn’t need therapy” battle.
OP, with that said… go figure out when you let someone stay at your house for 6 months rent free and had rage moments. There is some repressed shit going on there, and you’re better off finding the source so you can let it go.
I think that being that angry, considering the situation, was completely valid. Even the nicest and calmest people can be pushed into a horrible rage if the right buttons are pushed for long enough… I do agree she should have done something earlier, but considering how “calmly” she reacted to this girls crazy passive-aggressiveness does definitely not imply her need for counseling.
I, on the other hand, probably would have smashed this woman’s head in with a table and shoved the 3 week old raw chicken down her throat.
Also, the story was a little confusing at times, not the best writing skills, but it was amusing and irritating none the less.
That girl would not have lasted even a month with me. First of all, “I’ll give you the money on pay day”? Um, no. When you move somewhere, you hand over the money up front. I have no idea why you put up with even half the stuff you put up with. Don’t be such a pushover!
wow…you sound like you need to grow a backbone and learn to stand up for yourself. I would have kicked her out in a few weeks.
Dear god you stupid victim. If you have a sign on your forehead saying “kick me”, you can bet your life someone will. How do so many women end up like this? Just look at 90 per cent of the other stories on this site. All the same.
After reading this I get the impression that everyone in this story is either 12, mentally handicapped, or very close to mentally handicapped. Also, how old were this girls siblings? WTF is going on here?
I would’ve yelled n broke stuff if I had this roomie. And I’m a calm person. Well I hope u learn ur lesson, never become roomies w/a coworker
Thank you, Meshell for pointing out the obvious: “go figure out when you let someone stay at your house for 6 months rent free and had rage moments.”
Ignore the people saying you need therapy just because you finally snapped and screamed at that pathetic excuse for a human being one day. (You probably do need therapy only to have someone to vent to about all of this though – I know I did!) I had a horrible fucking roommate who tortured me for about 6 months before I was able to move out of our dorm, and one day, I finally snapped and screamed at her too. I am one of the nicest, gentlest, most even-keeled people you will ever meet – but if you are going to willingly push my buttons and ignore all of my attempts to communicate/compromise/stand up for myself, you have no right to be surprised when I finally lose it. (She also toned down how much she was doing to me afterward because she mistook my nice nature for being a pushover, so I consider yelling at her a win-win for me.)
At least you’ve learned not to tolerate that kind of shit from people. It’s a tough lesson, but completely worth it. I know I will never live with a roommate ever again because of my experience. Unsurprisingly, I have never screamed at anyone in a blind rage since that day 6 years ago, so you’ll probably be fine too!
I have to be on Jillian and Skade’s side. I agree with everything you said, Meshell, but in OP’s case she did mention she wanted to keep peace. If she had some counseling, or just had a good session of complaining about her roommate to some close friends, then she’s probably wouldn’t have blacked out from rage. It didn’t seem like OP particularly enjoyed screaming at her roommate, so that kind of venting wasn’t working for her either.
OP, I think you should open up more and be honest about your feelings. If something bothers you, speak up. Don’t pile them up until you explode. If you don’t like confrontation, vent it to your friends, tell stories as a joke, whatever. Just put your own happiness first.
WOW was this ever poorly written! Folks, please edit and re-read your stories. A lot of them are of the “and then this happened, and then this happened, and oh yeah, I forgot about this” school, and they’re really hard to read.
Imagine how much of this misery could have been avoided if the OP hadn’t been a doormat for so long before finally exploding with rage and frustration. This is what happens when people avoid conflict – the trick is to learn how to have a controlled conflict. You can confront someone and have a frank discussion with them that doesn’t have to get out of control. It may not be fun or pleasant if it becomes an argument, but better that than either getting walked all over or having an aneurysm.
I’m the OP on this. I am very aware I need therapy but with all of my money gone I can’t really afford it, so this was me venting. I haven’t had anger issues since I moved out of that city, and will be trying to get therapy soon.
As fo me bottling things up, I told her all the time she needed to pay up and stop eating all of my food. She only listened when I did something crazy and childish. She also threatened me with violence if I told anyone and asked for help. So I felt very trapped.
For reference I was 19 at the time and she was 23.