I’ve been pretty hit and miss with roommates over the years, but My Very Worst Roommate has to be C from my junior year of college. My junior year was shaping up to be the best yet, until one of my roommates ended up bailing at the last minute. In desperation, I turned to Craigs List to find a last-minute replacement.

When I first met him, C seemed totally normal if a bit on the quiet side. I should tell you that we had this crazy idea that instead of having two rooms with two guys in each, we were going to have one bedroom with four guys sleeping in it and then one room with just our desks for studying. We thought it was a good idea and C seemed down with it, so he became our new roommate. Things started off normal enough. C took really long showers (like an hour and a half) and then would spend an hour in the bathroom before he went to bed. It seemed a bit weird, but to each their own.

The real reason C was MVWR came one morning when one of the other guys in the room informed me that he heard some “solo activity” in C’s bed the previous night. I didn’t believe him until the next night when I woke up to hear the unmistakable sound of someone enjoying themselves. There was no doubt in my mind that C was pleasuring himself in a room with three other people. This became an ongoing thing. I was on the bottom bunk and C was on the top, so I would regularly wake up and cough or loudly roll over to try and give him the hint that we knew what was going on, but he would only stop for a minute before continuing. We were all too embarrassed to say anything to him, so it just went on like this for a couple months.

When it came time for winter break, C told me that he was going to take his desk home to get a smaller one. I said it was fine, but he insisted that his took up too much room. I thought this was strange, but at this point I was accustomed to C’s strangeness. When school started back up again, C didn’t come back. He didn’t my calls and when we looked around, we realized that he took all of his stuff home. I was actually pretty relieved that he wasn’t going to come back, but it was just so bizarre that he decided to sneak away.